Forgetting your own needs when dealing with others is about automatically choosing to sacrifice your personal desires when interacting with others. This reaction to forfeit your needs can be caused by years of conditioning until you no longer think that you have choices. From this vantage point, sacrifice occurs early on in the discussion, when it is not really necessary, or no attempts are made to see if your objectives could be met. Forgetting your own needs may result in quick solutions for others and mediocre or bad solutions for yourself. There is a connection between forgetting your own needs, suffering, and bigger problems down the road.

Forgetting your needs often stems from a win/lose mentality that flows from the idea that: "In order for others to get their needs met I must forgo my own". From that idea flows another. "There is not enough for everyone. Therefore, as a good person, I’ll lose so you can win." The losses start to accumulate and an internal discomfort sets in. Over time, discomfort turns into suffering. This is the cycle of forgetting your own needs.

You may be tempted to give something up, or forget your needs, in order to efficiently move situations forward. However, this accommodating approach is often more about going along with things or keeping things smooth than promoting the best solutions. It may satisfy the short term needs for others and also create mediocre and unstable solutions. Your backlog of unfulfilled needs will foster frustration, disappointment, and eventually resentment toward others. Clearly, the best solutions must INCLUDE your needs.

There are three steps that will move you away from this win/lose approach, mediocre to bad solutions, and low grade to acute suffering. First, you need to wake up from the self induced amnesia that results from denying your own needs. By keeping your interests in mind, you are more likely to find options that fit your needs as well as others.

Second, stop the automatic response of "I’ll lose so you can win," by pausing before responding. The pause breaks the habit of reactively finding solutions before looking at options. Slow down and stay in the conversation longer to explore various interests, to look for more options, and contemplate multiple solutions before settling on the BEST solution.

Third, by realizing that there is enough for everyone, the abundance of choices and optimum solutions will become something you strive for as a regular approach to dealing with others.

Next time someone makes a request to reschedule a meeting or something that will impact you, stop to think. Pause to slow things down. Stay in the conversation longer without jumping to solutions. Explore the range of other options. Look for the solution that meets the needs of others AND also gets your interests met. There is a strong connection to remembering your needs, feeling vital, and crafting stable and long lasting solutions with others.