Putting up with a lot and then exploding means that you withhold your concerns until you reach a crisis point and then go ballistic. This withhold and explode pattern is ineffective, stressful, and destructive for relationships. However, speaking up earlier in situations where you have concerns can be very good for solving problems, your well being, and the health of your relationships.

The withhold and explode pattern is ineffective because moving from one extreme of no communication to the other extreme of out of control communication will never produce your desired outcomes. Withholding your concerns keeps people uninformed and shuts down communication lines. Also, studies show that explosive anger does not inform; it alienates relationships, makes people unresourceful for problem solving, and listening does not occur.

This decision making rut is stressful because harboring negativity makes you feel toxic. You may feel afraid to speak up for fear that your communication will be toxic as well and harm the relationship. The withhold and explode approach can become a reoccurring cycle when you give yourself permission to speak up and take action only after you have worked up a high volume of anger. Another approach to this stressful cycle is to never give yourself permission to explode. Instead you implode internally, which creates it own serious health hazards.

One of the most destructive aspects of the withhold and explode pattern to relationships is that everyone is robbed of the opportunity to be constructive. Your relationships become more flexible and able to deal with differences when you take on issues before they fester.

The good news is that speaking up about your concerns earlier in the situation is one of the best antidotes to this destructive cycle. Addressing your concerns early reduces and can even eliminate toxicity from your communication. From this early starting point, your communication becomes more educational and constructive which lends itself to problem solving.

How do you cross over from the fear of speaking up to disclosing your concerns? It is scarier to know that destruction is almost guaranteed to occur by letting issues fester. Once you realize that early communication is the least hazardous and the most likely to lead to a good outcome, you need to nudge yourself to speak up. A sign you may need to say something is if you have continual nagging thoughts, internal conflict, or are starting to feel agitated about an issue. Problems in their infancy often start out more manageable and may take only minor adjustments.

Powerful decision making requires pursuing an effective strategy that most likely assures a desired solution. Following that, disclosing your concerns early reduces stress because instead of harboring negativity you are able to positively establish the groundwork for problem solving. You are then more resourceful for resolving other life challenges because you have addressed any backlog of issues. Instead of perpetuating the cycle of withhold and explode, do yourself and your relationships a favor by addressing your concerns early.