A common decision making rut is choosing to support others to your own detriment. This happens when your efforts in supporting others are at odds with what you really need for yourself. How does this happen?

Because you make hundreds of decisions in a day, they can become routine and invisible so that you hardly see where they are taking you and whether they serve you anymore. Perhaps you see yourself as a good person who is there to help others. Therefore, when you see a need you may feel compelled to be the one to fill it. You may have an overblown sense of responsibility for others. Consequently, you derail you own goals so that you can make sure the needs of others are met.

Over time, you can lose sight of your own action plans by substituting other people’s goals for your own. Because you have weaned yourself from taking your own endeavors seriously, it can seem that pursuing your own goals is selfish and not worthwhile.

This supportive approach is problematic if your own life goals remain unfulfilled, you are suffering from burnout and overwhelm, or the time you spend for others does not reflect what you really need.When your own life requires tending, choosing to support others to your own detriment leads to a quiet kind of desperation. If you feel that "something is missing" in your own life, that may be a result of playing large for others and playing small for yourself.

What is a "good person" to do? The truth is, "good people" give themselves permission to spend time addressing their own well being. As you support others toward powerful living it is important to recognize that powerful living for yourself is okay and necessary. What would it be like to have a grander version of your own life? Keeping your own future in mind provides good judgment in how to help others so that your activities are in alignment with your own needs and goals.

For example, let’s pretend you have gained some weight and feel tired and burned out. You have decided that a regular exercise schedule at the gym is an essential goal for your well being. With your busy schedule there are only two time slots to work out for the whole week. Your friend asks you to take them to the airport. So far you have not kept your workout schedule because you have taken on other people’s requests. Once again, you are faced with postponing your own well being. As much as the "good Samaritan" in you wants to help out, taking on someone else’s goals right now goes against what you really need. This is the time to make the courageous move and ask if they could find someone else. Yes, you care that they find a ride AND you need to make sure your decisions support your own goals as well.

You can derail your future by putting the needs of others ahead of your own. Powerful living means staying on course with your goals and supporting others accordingly. Only when you are as good to yourself as you are to others are you taking responsibility for your own life.