The Dance Of Persuasion

Influencing others is much like leading on a dance floor. A common dance step most of us learn is two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, and so on. Persuasion, like dancing, can be accomplished with these same series of steps. It is the movement of forging forward for awhile and then retreating back to manage differences that inspires others to become receptive to your ideas.

Persuasive steps that create movement forward are diplomacy, giving others credit where credit is due, and asking for your partner’s advice. In contrast, stepping back is taking time out to understand and address differences. Stepping back is the complimentary action necessary to create the stability to move forward together.

There will be people and situations that upset you and are against your goals. It is tempting to push hard with debate and then the usual stand off occurs. Debates are usually not persuasive. Here are some tips on how to dance persuasively using conversation as your dance floor.

The very first step forward is stating your case in a diplomatic manner because positive interactions promote listening, makes dancing with you tolerable, and will make your partner want to stay in the conversation with you.

The next step forward in persuasion is to acknowledge your partner’s good intentions and good ideas even if they clumsily step on your toes. A good way to improve the way you dance together is to acknowledge what is going well as it generates more good will and more good ideas.

After advancing your ideas a few steps, it is time to back up one step to find out what is going on with your partner. If you always move forward to advance your cause and forget to step back to monitor feedback, instability sets in. Stepping back allows both partners time to rebalance, integrate new information, and prepare to move in a different direction.

Another persuasive move forward is to ask for your partner’s advice. You find out how they think which improves your ability to move gracefully together in a way that honor’s both of your needs. As you advance your ideas forward, remember to step back to check your partner’s response. On and on the dance steps go that make small but significant movements in new directions.

Next time you experience the disappointment of an interaction losing ground remember to step back to take care of differences. Progress in a negotiation is not a straight line but a series of movements. When you can understand that stepping back is an important and necessary part of moving forward, you can see signs of progress that you might otherwise have missed. By incorporating these simple dance steps into your conversations you will be able to advance your ideas more powerfully.